Palespyder’s Web

Kindra and I started our new diets and workouts today. I was not able to complete the P90X workout completely, but that will come with time I think. The workouts are excruciating for me being this fat. I weighed myself when I got to work and realized I have broken the 300 mark, that does not sit well with me at all. Being this heavy reminds me of when Austin was born. Oh well that is what the diet and exercise are for I reckon.

Got to see Rhiannon this weekend, that was amazing. We did nothing all day but drive around and goto lunch, but being able to spend time with her is one of my favorite things. I am going to work to make sure that she and I can see each other more. I want to start watching her wrestle and attend some of her band stuff. I think that now that she is older she understands the situation a bit better and can see why I do things the way I do. I think this is the start of a great thing in our relationship, which is fantastic because I miss her so much. She is my baby girl.

School is going good, some of these problems really work my brain and force me to figure out the way to solve them which I like. It is so funny how hard Math like this is when you have not done this type of thing for 20 years. I know in time this will get easier.

Things are going well, life is good.

So I have decided after some very wise counsel that I am not ready for the level of competition that is Crown Tournament. I am not financially, emotionally, or physically ready for something of that magnitude. There are so many things to consider in being Sovreign that I don’t believe that 1/2 the people who enter ever think about. You are responsible for so much stuff and in that so much money that I don’t know that I will ever want that responsibility.

I restarted Power90X (again) and I am on Day 3, I am sore but happy. Kindra and I are really motivated to get fit and get back to the bodies that we should have. I am looking forward to the first cycle and even more to the end of the second cycle. I hope in 6 months to have the body I have always wanted and look the way I should have always looked. Only I can make that happen! I want this and need this!

I am also working up a workout for the pell and for the boy to work on. I really want him to succeed, I just am not comfortable being made to feel like a father figure, I said I would help him get his armour together and help him learn to fight. Putting me in the situation of hollering at him for one thing or another is not really within my comfort zone.

I start school tonight. I am still a bit apprehensive, but that is just my nature. I have never been one for new situations, but I always seem to get through them okay and end up making friends along the way. This semester is is easy, just one math class. Next semester I will probably do two, depends on how the load affects me. Should not be to bad though. I have been thinking that Psychology may be the way for me to go. Nothing says I have to do it all at once, I can start with a BA and then go for a MA if I decide to persue that path. Only time will tell.

Other then that, Kindra got her cast off, she is still pretty irritated that she cannot immediately move it and make it do her bidding, but that will just take time.

After sitting and watching Calontir’s 53rd Crown Tournament and seeing Ostwald best Anton on the field winning the Crown for Kaye, I decided it is my duty to fight in the next one. I started training today with Couch 2 5K week 1 and over the next 6 months I will work myself out. I also started doing the Warrior Diet and so far I am not hungry, but we are taking about only having been up for 2 hours, it’s a long way to 6pm tonight.

I will be working on the pell when I get home tonight and will be going back to Cai’s practices and taking Dan with me. I will work with him to get his stuff together and will start trying to get him in some armour so we can determine whether he enjoys it or not.

Anywho, today is the first day of the rest of my life, it is time to get strong, get smart, and get my ass in gear on everything I have planned.

So I have been sitting around feeling sorry for myself for the past couple months. I am not exactly sure why, I just am. I started reading the 7 habits of highly effective people about 3 weeks ago and it is amazing the things that you find out about yourself in a book like that. I am reading it all the way through and then will go back and work each habit individually, I think that is the best thing for me.

I have also started thinking more about the way I want my kit to look and the persona I portray. I like the 14th century, I love the full case armour and stuff, but I am seriously considering a 1320-1330’s era person instead. It’s more chainmail and a Sugarloaf Helmet. I like this idea because it is something that is not done much, most people gravitate toward the later 14th century. Time will tell.

I am doing Couch25K this week and will add in more running and weights next week, I think that is the best course of action for me at this point as Thursday will be a bad food day for me and my back is incredibly sore this morning. I think I will train more like an MMA fighter then anything else because that is as close to what we do that I can get without developing a new workout routine on my own, which may happen eventually.

So I am going to start working on my new kit. I decided on 660 years ago today which makes it November 23, 1349. I am posting this so I can keep a link to the guy I would like to make my helmet.

http://forums.armourarchive.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=105649&sid=b05776b3ad55613d26036a7ee39e965d

It is my hope to be able to make a bunch of the stuff myself we will see how that goes. Anyway, here we go..

To make my own 14th century armour or to buy it. There are many pros and cons of each, instant gratification being the biggest pro of buying it. But I think over the long run I should make it piece by piece. This would teach me a marketable skill as well as giving me a nice set of period-ish armour at a very low cost.

There are a lot of things to consider like a clean garage and tools that I need to make this happen, but I think this would be the best bet.

Today is the 8th anniversary of your death my son. In the past 8 years I have come to understand a great many things and to learn a lot about life, love, and death. What I have not learned is how to be a father, that lesson was stolen from me. When you were taken from me, it “broke” me in a way that I can never repair. The love I had for you is just as strong today as it has always been, yet I feel like I should be in a different place in my life.

These are the times I was supposed to be teaching you how to be a good man, a good husband, a good father, a good friend, and a productive member of the community. I should have been helping you get through a broken heart, I should have been the voice of reason when your mind has flights of fancy. I should have been giving you the stability, discipline, and friendship that only a father can offer, instead that was all taken from us.

Know my son that there is seldom a day that you don’t go through my mind. There is hardly a time when I do not think of you when something special happens or I see something beautiful. Your laugh, like a soothing waterfall to my ears, still echos in my mind and the perfect sound of you calling me Daddy still warms my soul.

I do not know what will happen in the future, but I do know I will start living my life to the fullest when I have fulfilled my vow of grieving. Today, as every other day, I miss you more then I can ever express, I love you, and I will see you again someday. Rest well my son.

I have now accepted that this is most likely not my path. I am unable to travel enough to ever even get Fyrded, let alone make it to Knighthood one day. I will be contented with learning to make armour, spending time with my wife, and working on my house.

Reality slapping you in the face is a sobering experience. I will strove to become Knightly, but my dream of one day being a Knight in the SCA, is just that.

Found this on the Armour Archive:

Æiric Ørvender

In Arms:

- To fight at your utmost in every battle, to give your all to every opponent.
- To Offer no insult to someone who may be inferior in prowess by ‘toning down’ a fight, unless it is a ‘teaching fight’
- To teach and train ALL who seek skill in arms, to do so in a respectful and optimistic manner but never fail to speak the ‘hard truth’ where/when it is needed.
- To be honorable in every fight, to never ‘loose it’, to keen honor stainless even at the cost of losing a battle to an ‘overly armored’ opponent.
- To always strive to the next level in martial prowess, especially with the knowledge that the will always be a higher level to obtain.

In Court:

- To be a steadfast supporter of the Kingdom, Crown, and it’s People. One must not always like the person who wears the Crown but one must always respect the Position the Crown represents… and always do Honor to the Kingdom, it’s People and it’s Land.
- To strive in areas other than the singularly martial, to excel in all endeavors before the People and The Crown to bring Honor through actions to the Kingdom.
- To Serve

In Camp:

- To strive to a better representation of Persona, through research, application and action.
- To inspire by example, to create for others an goal in which to reach for, and to assist others in achieving that goal.

So I have always had one. I kept myself from trying a good many things in my life due to an insane fear of failure. I could sit here and blame my bastard of a stepfather who beat it into my head that I was not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough, but that would just be a cop out. See, I am a believer that you have the choice to change that view, sometimes we don’t do it out of fear of the unknown or the fear of change, but the choice to change it is always there.

I am supposed to Herald this weekend, I will be doing a Knighting and 11 awards. Raven told me last night that everything is written down and God bless her, she gave me an out, a way to punk out and no do court if I so choose to do it. I cannot with good conscience do that. I would feel terrible and I think it would actually end up making me feel worse then I do now.

I do think I will step down as Caltrop. I thought I could do the job, I thought I could do the job well, but I truly believe their Excellencies would be better served by someone else. I was not as emotionally and mentally prepared for this as I thought I was and I need to just enjoy being in the SCA again, as a good, learning a nifty skill and showing up to fight a bit. Things like cleanup and setup/teardown are more my forte. Making things for the Barony is probably more where my strongpoints lie.

After Ren Faire I will be stepping down, I will work to get them a better replacement and then I will just spend some time working on my hobby and playing my game, I hope they understand.