I have now accepted that this is most likely not my path. I am unable to travel enough to ever even get Fyrded, let alone make it to Knighthood one day. I will be contented with learning to make armour, spending time with my wife, and working on my house.
Reality slapping you in the face is a sobering experience. I will strove to become Knightly, but my dream of one day being a Knight in the SCA, is just that.
Found this on the Armour Archive:
Æiric Ørvender
In Arms:
- To fight at your utmost in every battle, to give your all to every opponent.
- To Offer no insult to someone who may be inferior in prowess by ‘toning down’ a fight, unless it is a ‘teaching fight’
- To teach and train ALL who seek skill in arms, to do so in a respectful and optimistic manner but never fail to speak the ‘hard truth’ where/when it is needed.
- To be honorable in every fight, to never ‘loose it’, to keen honor stainless even at the cost of losing a battle to an ‘overly armored’ opponent.
- To always strive to the next level in martial prowess, especially with the knowledge that the will always be a higher level to obtain.In Court:
- To be a steadfast supporter of the Kingdom, Crown, and it’s People. One must not always like the person who wears the Crown but one must always respect the Position the Crown represents… and always do Honor to the Kingdom, it’s People and it’s Land.
- To strive in areas other than the singularly martial, to excel in all endeavors before the People and The Crown to bring Honor through actions to the Kingdom.
- To ServeIn Camp:
- To strive to a better representation of Persona, through research, application and action.
- To inspire by example, to create for others an goal in which to reach for, and to assist others in achieving that goal.
So I have always had one. I kept myself from trying a good many things in my life due to an insane fear of failure. I could sit here and blame my bastard of a stepfather who beat it into my head that I was not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough, but that would just be a cop out. See, I am a believer that you have the choice to change that view, sometimes we don’t do it out of fear of the unknown or the fear of change, but the choice to change it is always there.
I am supposed to Herald this weekend, I will be doing a Knighting and 11 awards. Raven told me last night that everything is written down and God bless her, she gave me an out, a way to punk out and no do court if I so choose to do it. I cannot with good conscience do that. I would feel terrible and I think it would actually end up making me feel worse then I do now.
I do think I will step down as Caltrop. I thought I could do the job, I thought I could do the job well, but I truly believe their Excellencies would be better served by someone else. I was not as emotionally and mentally prepared for this as I thought I was and I need to just enjoy being in the SCA again, as a good, learning a nifty skill and showing up to fight a bit. Things like cleanup and setup/teardown are more my forte. Making things for the Barony is probably more where my strongpoints lie.
After Ren Faire I will be stepping down, I will work to get them a better replacement and then I will just spend some time working on my hobby and playing my game, I hope they understand.
I need to start making some things to sell so that I can support my armour upgrade. I am considering benches and chairs in different woods with the lowest price being in pine and the highest being oak. I can do some pretty spiffy benches with scrollwork using the scrollsaw and give it a bit of character afterward with chisels. I think this might be a neat way to create a savings account to fund an armoury and get started doing some metalworking.
I need to get a higher amperage run out to the garage and I need to start situationg the ceiling so I can hang more lights. I want to eventually get it to a point where I can work out there in the winter time and not be freezing my ass off all the time. I want to slowly start insulating and sealing that bitch up so the wind does not cut right through it. I think I can make do with my current garage for another 5-10 years if I stop the bleeding now so to speak. I can slowly do what needs to be done and replace what needs to be replaced without having to build a brand new garage.
The armoury plans look better and better. I think after Valor and stuff I am going to ask to step down as Caltrop and just concentrate on having fun and working on metalwork and woodworking. I no longer see a need to do this stuff, I can help out without being an officer and I don’t need to be wrapped up in the high school politics anymore. I just want to enjoy myself and learn to fight in period armour that I made.
This whole Ren Faire thing is getting on my damn nerves, I would not have a problem with it if people were not badgering me about shit that has little to no bearing on anything. I finally got fed up last night and told Melisende to send me a list of what she wants done and I would make sure it gets done.
Anyway, got a lot of plans for the next few years and I want to seperate more from the Barony and just do what I enjoy doing. I don’t have to be in the spotlight to have a good time.
I have been reading this book, Living the Martial Way, good read so far. I am currently on the chapter on Honor and was shocked to read the honor consists of three principles, Obligation, Justice, and Courage. While reading on these things, the author speaks about the three levels of what I call honor enlightenment. He uses the story that a man is killed after leaving a large sum of money with a friend for safe keeping. The friend knows no one but he and his dead friend knew of the arrangement. His honor comes down to three choices in decending order of enlightenment.
The most honorable of men would choose the first because it is his Obligation to do so and his Giri is fulfilled to his friend. He would never consider keeping someone elses money for his own selfish game because that in turn hurts the man’s family and causes injustice. It takes courage to do these things and thus his honor is intact because he has fulfilled the three tenants of Honor.
There are men, I have known many in my time, who are unscrupulous and look for oppurtunities like this to profit off of the misery of others. I do not feel I have ever, nor will I ever be that man. Now, that being said, I am neither saint nor demon, I am a middle of the road man who would think out both sides of the coin before returning the money, does this make me dishonorable or less then honorable to the other man? I don’t think so, I think it makes me unenlightened and enlightenment is something to work toward until the end of your days.
I am planning after Valor, Vacation, and Renfaire to start tooling my shop as an armoury. I have always been interested in armouring and given the right tools and some practice, I should be able to make a bit of money to play with my own kit and tweak it to acceptable levels. I have some ideas on the types of things I need, among the list are:
This will be a good start, I would like to do mostly 14th and 15th century stuff to begin with up to and including helmets. I would prefer to work in brushed stainless, but I think it would be prudent to start in mild and go from there.
Anyway, this is my current plan, we will see how things go.
I have said these words to myself on more occasions then I can count, giving them lip service and never truly beliving it myself. I liked to believe that I was somehow different from the masses of sheep that mill about in their pitiful, day to day existances and do exactly what they are told, eat what they are told, and wear what they are told.
Today, I am a warrior. I am responsible for the safety of my family and I am the sole keeper of my own honor. The honor of my wife, my daughter, and my friends are also my responsibility to a lesser extent, but do not think I will not protect their safety and honor as if it were my own. I am loyal, I am just, and I am compassionate. I will temper my justice with mercy, and I will weigh my desire against generosity.
I am a Warrior, my training, both mental and physical, are my responsibility and I must condition myself to best of my ability everyday so that I might protect those I love. I must fight as a Warrior to get that last rep every single time, I must ignore the pain, and persevere to ensure the survival of myself and my family.
I am a Warrior, I must nourish my body to ensure the training I need while not giving in to baseless self indulgence. Just because something tastes good does not mean it is good, in fact it is most likely poison. I must ensure that I put the proper fuel into myself so that I am able when the call is made to protect my family and condition my body.
I am a Warrior. I must amass knowledge of my art, my conditioning, and my diet so that I am as informed as possible. It is my duty to myself to learn as much as possible about the topics I need to be versed in.
I am a Warrior. I must condition my mind and forget the petty matters that mean very little. I must listen more and say less as I surely cannot learn if my mouth is open and my ears are closed.
I am a Warrior, honor, justice, mercy, preaux, largesse, courage, nobility, and hope are now my brothers. I shall hold them dear as I hold myself dear.
We got the posts set into the ground with rebar. The holes were actually very easy to dig this time, I was completely shocked that Kin and I were able to get it done so fast, but we set 7 posts after digging and pounding in rebar in about 3 and a half hours. Mixing the concrete was the worst part. I had to mix it by hand in a 5 gallon bucket. Note to sel, don’t reach your hands in and mix it literally by hand, it’s very hard on the skin and nails, not to mention the finger joints. I will rent a cement mixer next time 
Anyway, I was not able to sleep Saturday night, my hands and back were killing me and I just could not shut off my mind. I stayed up until about 6am and then fell asleep on the couch, my wife woke me up at 9:00am and made me go back to bed and she we shopping alone, God bless her.
We continued working on the house last night. We mowed and edged, painted the bathroom, and did some general cleanup of the yard to prepare for the setting of the new fence posts this weekend. Tomorrow morning we will be setting the new metal posts and will be letting it cure for about a week before putting the fence back up. I am considering getting some rebar to drive in at 45 degree angles before pouring the concrete so that it has more to push against then just the concrete itself. I think this might actually help us to keep the posts from falling. God forbid we ever have to pull them out again though Just got off the phone with Kindra and we will be doing the rebar thing to help stabilize the new poles.
I was talking to the neighbor last night and I think I could rebuild the garage for about $2500 or just refurb it really well for about $1000. I do know I need to completely replace the roof, decking and all, and side it. I would like to insulate and drywall the inside to make it feel more like a shop and less like an out building. I want to add quite a bit of light and maybe a window to it as well so that when working on intricate things I do not have to strain my eyes to get it done. I think can lights and running flourescents would work to light it and then when I build new work tables and such I can add some “arm” lights.
Other then that, we have a lot to do before winter to get the house ready, but I think at the rate we are going we will be fine.
Valor is going to be a lesson in field heraldry. Most of the Heralds will be at KWHSS 2009 and so it will be Subadai, Johann, Fionnula, and I for all of those tournies and for camp crying and any other Heraldic responsibilities. This one is weighing on me a bit, but I will make sure things get done regardless.
I am going to have a meeting with the people who have volunteered for Renfaire and start getting stuff finalized so that I don’t have to worry about it. I want to make sure that things go as smoothly as possible and that we try to have a bit of fun and not have to be so concerned with making money as that will just automatically happen. I am also going to look for volunteers to come out of there is a disaster like there was last faire. I think it will go relatively smoothly, I just have some planning to do.
Maine is a short time away, the vacation will be nice, I cannot wait.
Kindra and I got the trim painted on the house last night. I found the fascia on the North and South sides of the house needs to be replaced, it is rotting out, but the good news is that I don’t think it will be hard to do by any means. We are slated to get the bathroom painted tonight and fix the brick out front as well as mowing and trimming the yard, just general stuff that needs to be done before the appraiser gets here on Friday.
We discussed last night just building a new garage.I told Kindra if we do we should do a metal garage and add about 10 feet to the back end of it so that I can have a shop in the back and we can still park the cars in there without being in my way. What I wouldn’t give for a well lit, clean, new garage that is wasp-less and has a few less spiders in it. This will stay in the front of my mind.
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